I don’t know who he is anymore that boy in the mirror. He’s been crying allot more lately and laughing harder at himself. There has not been 1 day in the past 5 months that his stomach has not ached with emotions, feelings one is supposed to feel a few times in a lifetime. Do I no longer capture the imagination of those who used to be interested in me anymore, have I been so caught up in trying to negate certain feelings that i’ve lost myself. Isn’t the whole point of life to continue through and grow and change yet I keep remembering aspects of myself I have lost that I miss. Sure my self-confidence has grown significantly but my new highs are accompanied by drastic lows. Somebody saw something in me that kept them with me for a time but now moved on I’m struggling to see that light. I’m a beggar for life at the moment, I beg for attention and interaction because I know if I don’t I will be left alone…
It’s a tragic feeling to think that if I switched off no-one would miss me, I am nobody’s core. Many people in my life are my cores that help me to move even if they don’t care about me but I know this for certain I am not cores for them. For I see them with those who they truly love and require to get through their days. And yes I do close myself off from the world at times because I can’t live like the rest. I can’t wait until I’m back to being myself where I can dream and not cry once everyday one thing is for certain is that I have changed! Somethings so great and somethings so bad that the devil presses down on my chest until I weep.
And I’m not talking to anyone anymore. Just because I get sad doesn’t mean they should see me as this sad boy I am so much more it’s just particularly hard at this moment in time. I’m not looking for a shoulder to cry on I shall weep and move on and weep and move on.
This is not a cry for help I promise to anyone who reads this I am so much stronger than my lows. Its just I think I love allot stronger than others, I might not show it but this pressing on my stomach ensures it.