College presentation Part 2 Him

This segment is a brief overview of an amazing time I recently had in my life, it works as the second last part of my performance before a poem about my daily life called 20.

As before do comment if you have any feed back this is still in its drafting stage.

Tommy x

Age 19

And he appeared like a knight in battered amour that I never knew I needed, lost and tired in the room we met. I spoke to him of my life and found connections in his. The tension could be cut with a knife and I was hoping he couldn’t notice my nerves. He asked me if I was, I told him give a guess and laughed. He was beautiful, intelligent and everything I knew didn’t suit me yet I was drawn to him like a bee as he was a flower too vibrant to ignore. We continued to speak unrelenting butterflies rapture inside yet these were of a different power, sourced from good nature and nourishment. I couldn’t hold myself any longer I needed to know, I had to taste this devil water that had complicated my mind and life so much. “ Shut up and kiss me” and he listened and did as told and I was alive no longer hung up on a boy pretending to be a man. This was a man who would soon be my boy.

It was a classic romance late night chatting about nothing but the days we had witnessed, I cared for his and he for mine.  His tendencies laid bare as each day progressed, while mine hid away in fear of rejection, yet when they broke through he would see me for who I was, as I did him. Sophistication wasn’t our strong suit when we fought our emotions would get the better after all how could I stay angry it was him. I feel I know what love is, its when you love their faults and I loved his even though they drove me crazy I knew he would always be there for me.

Distance began and comfort set in, such comfort that I felt bliss anytime he would enter the room, he was home for me. His arms the hearth of a fire, his laugh like songbirds waking me out of a deep sleep. His eyes like sun bright and overwhelming yet you couldn’t help but stare into them.

It’s still strong in my heart. My aching for him no longer gives me joy but sorrow, the butterflies are fed insecticide to stop them flying for him. He does not see my light anymore and if he does he chooses to ignore it, for he has his own demons to battle. I wait for the day we are ready to begin again not in ignorance but in truth. For he is my truth as I could never lie to him even if I tried, I looked him in his wet eyes that day and told him “you aren’t dying so whatever you have to say can’t hurt me as much as you think it will” well something like that I can’t remember it’s clouded in a mist of agony. Even at the end I was trying to save him, to hide my shock at his confession he didn’t need me anymore as much as I needed him but to keep him would destroy him. I held the key to my heart as I always did and for now I must let it open to bleed. A river of love spilling out all over the floor of my life as his banks no longer held it. I still love him everyday, I still see him and I forgive the hurt he thinks he caused. Yet he did not cause it, my sadness comes from the absence of his light, one that still shines, our flames once lay intwined like liquorice strands delicious and red tasty to eat as a whole but just as good torn apart.


*Please be gentle for I am a soft boy.

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