What I think,

What I think is right and what is right may be entirely different things. I make hard decisions based on emotional whims that literally effect my entire day or in this case however long I can keep it up. The thing is, how do I actually know if this act is beneficial I have closed off the caring part of my mind to focus on myself yet I only loathe myself more for not giving myself my distractions! Will it get better ? Who knows perhaps my influence on others will fade and they will learn and grow in my absence instead of my growth in their absence. That’s a positive outlook as if my head being in pain heals another it’s great. I am in the same position I’m still going mad this time i’ve taken my madness for myself and am going to nurture him into not-madness. Goodness even.

This is what I think, I think of concepts and scenarios over and over. Sometimes they come from my emotional investment towards others, sometimes they come from my imagination going haywire and creating a new world for my dog to conquer. It is this brain of mine, I love it so much when it gives me ideas and rhymes but when it isn’t at work. It plagues me with what ifs? and why not? even how abouts. These are questions I can’t answer so its pointless to ask them to myself yet I STILL DO.

I am not gonna know what he was thinking that day!

I am not gonna know why he didn’t feel like he could talk to me and work things out!

I am not going to know why I can’t move on like I feel he has.

and I certainly don’t know what the future holds.

All I know is what I think, and what I think can hurt allot but it can also heal. My head is a battlefield and even though holding his hand brought reinforcements to help me fight the monsters. I was never losing the battle . I am vibrant and creative even with my lazy tendencies.

This is what I think.

I’m gonna create allot more from now on because What I think is important!


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