Day Four

Day Four.

Perhaps the worst.
A glance and I am shattered, unable to settle my queasy head.
Sitting alone passengers stare and judge.

Aching, anger and loss.
A loss for the walk in the rain.
The time unspent.
With him.

To picture how It could’ve been.
Ruin’s me.

A match I was ready to light myself a flame.

however you struck me.

then I burned.

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Day two.

Day two.

No word yet.
I sit and twiddle my thumbs.

No word yet.
I have been my own judge, jury, and executioner.

No word yet.
Give me the chair, I scream.

No word yet.
Maybe it’s for the best

No word yet.
Maybe it’s for the worst.

No word yet.
I can still bring myself to remember that scent.

No word yet.
A scent so familiar it brings me to tears.

No word yet.
No word.

Day one

I have fallen so deeply.

No door presents itself to me.

I sit alone in the room, hoping for change. Actively trying

Then fall again, a vicious cycle.

Hurting everyone I touch, then fall further away from contact.

A hideous false smile perches itself on my lips each day.

Who will save me now?

Myself?

I think not.

 

Step.

I’ve been having conversations with my demons asking them; why have we made ourselves this way?

They reply and say: Well every-way and every moment of your life has been planned out by some higher force for example even if you didn’t want to do something you would still do it and feel like you had made a conscious decision.

I interject: I don’t agree with you demons for you would only tell me a false truth to make me feel better for my unthought out and frankly questionable actions. However what I believe is that I have entire control over my life. If I truly want something I can get it, however, to get or experience a person is entirely different.

 

ZONE OUT

The above brief introduction to this also brief finishing paragraph is all about choices and how sometimes our choices can affect our lives to catastrophic conclusions.

Yet if you have tried for such a long time to make something right; and if said something will not even give you an inclination or time to even try to fix a problem or to promote a forgiveness. Then and only then in that moment can you allow yourself to take a step back and to just study the natural occurrence as it manually continues and changes. I have done everything within my power to reach a justifiable conclusion and each time it has been thrown in my face like I’m some horrible entity whose intentions are full of malice and desperation rather than goodness and care.
Maybe my view is also skewed.

For now, I am taking a step away cause frankly, I’m sick of crying for someone who no longer cares if I cry or not. If they did they would try to help me along in anyway instead of doing nothing, so for now I am doing nothing.

Green and Blue

Hair black
Eyes green
Smile sweet
Laugh loveable                                    Who you are to me.
Warm body
Electric touch
Hands fit
Wet apetite
Safe arms

x

Hair Fair
Eyes Blue
Smile square
Laugh loud                                            Who I am to myself.
Warm temper
Electric attitude
Hands wringing
Wet tears
Safe cries

Nevertheless

Do you dream of me.
Do I remain in your mind, like you in mine.
Does my name cross your lips with good intent.

Has my presence ran out, impact defeated.
No longer a symbol of consideration.
A water fountain disconnected no source of nurture.

Do I dream of you.
Do you remain in my mind, while I pass the time.
Do I speak of you with ill intent,

Has your presence ran out, definite impasse.
Considering you as a symbol.
Of a water fountain that won’t quench my thirst.

Time will tell and reveal to us all.

The jester will laugh or cry.
The master will leave or stay.

Nevertheless,
I’ll never forget one day.